I’m a hopeless romantic. Very Michael Scott-esque in the way that I romanticize every detail of every single thing that happens to me. It’s a problem. My greatest fear of course is that I will end up alone. My expectations for potential suitors are outrageously high and sometimes unrealistic. Throw my not exactly charismatic attitude into this mix and I will most certainly end up alone, whoring up a retirement community in Southern Florida when I’m sixty-five.
Anyway, so here are some guys that reoccur in my life that I wouldn’t care to be in a relationship with.
The One That Got Away
This one was hard to write about. For some reason, I will always be hung up on this guy. We had great chemistry, we were friends, and we worked together. It was a relationship founded on a hookup and it was beautiful. Every Taylor Swift song describes it incredibly, obviously. As Drake says it best, “the best I ever had”. This is the one that I will forever compare every guy that enters my life to. There was just something about this awkward half Jewish sporadic non-conventional guy. We aren’t good together. He’s a free spirit and I often have a stick shoved up my ass. Every time a guy is mean in any way to me, I just want to see or talk to him because he will be nice to me. When I say, we aren’t good together, I mean that I’m not good for him. He deserves much better.
Formally a history major, now he’s in law school. He was beautiful and in probably the most stereotypically frat guy fraternity on UTK’s campus. He just so happened to be a hotter version of the ex-boyfriend I can’t get over. He had his family crest tattooed on his shoulder. My favorite hookup that was only that by far. He could potentially be another one that got away but I am very aware that he is way out of my league and that it never would have been more than a hookup. To this day though, he snapchats me still.. to ask for nudes. Here’s to you frat douche.
He was definitely in med school, he was monotone like no other. He was perfectly preppy, which is just my type. However, he was a very aggressive talker in bed. He constantly wanted me to say “I’m a dirty slut” and he wanted his name screamed. Both of which are things I would never and will never do. He kept trying to text me after and was trying to swoop into main bitch status. He coincidentally wanted to hangout on Valentine’s Day. At this point in my life, that wasn’t the direction I wanted to take. Twenty-two was not the year of me wanting a boyfriend. He could be an awesome guy for me if I could shut down his weirdness. Fast forward to me being twenty-four, he’s back in my life but I’m a friend with benefits for him. It’s unfortunate. He cut his bad speaking during sex habit. Now I want to slide into main bitch status but I don’t think it’ll happen. He’s a great guy and I think I could get past him being my exact height.
My life is a mess, enough said.